Keeping It Together

I have to admit I am a bit on the mushy side but that is when my blog posts tend to be the best. I have been watching Army Wives for the past 2 days and I have cried on almost every episode. There is something about the Army and that show. There is something that makes those friendships so much more. One of the girls said "We have to keep it together", but it is the hardest thing to even think to do.

As grateful as I am right now that my husband gets to be home most nights with us it's hard to even think about. It's been a few years since our last deployment it's heartbreaking to even think about the next one. I ask myself can I do it again. We have 5 kids now and they are older. I was able to hide it most nights the tears that would roll down my cheeks just thinking of his boots laying on the floor. I ask myself "Can I do it again?". I wonder if I can keep it together like before. I now have to be the role model to several moms, mothers, sisters and wives, but can I do it. I know what I signed up for. I know what my role entails as an officer's wife and honestly I love the military life.

I know just like every Army wife and military wife for that matter knows that at any time we could get that knock at the door. At any moment we could get the call saying our love isn't coming home alive. At any given moment we could have to tell our kids that daddy or mommy will never be back. At any given moment our lives could be completely changed and by choice that is what the crazy thing is. It's just a matter of time before we question how much we can keep it together. I watch the series of these women's lives play out and I can recall me in every position.

It's amazing how strong we can be when being strong is all we have. I try to put myself in that position. What would I say? How would I handle it? What will our lives be like? It's never ending since orders can come up for a deployment at any time. I know our lives come next to the military and I love our lives. Am I crazy for thinking that I wouldn't want any other life? Is it crazy to think that although I miss my husband dearly I wouldn't trade our lives for anything. So despite the many sleepless nights wondering if my husband is safe, or if he will be home to make dinner. Wondering how will I get through another day or even another deployment. The truth is no matter what I will have to keep it together, but not just for me and my kids. I will have to keep it together for my soldier. I will have to keep it together so he can keep it together on his missions, training and deployments. No matter how hard it is we always find peace in our father and know that he is always on our side. We may not feel it but he carries us through every situation to keep it together even when we think that we aren't.

Juanita