A New Journey A New Day

This move has been life altering and changing in more ways than I could have imagined. I am finding a new strength in me that I seem to forget that I have. I am finding that there is a lot more I am able to handle mentally as well as physically. I am really starting to love the new me more and more each day. I love the work that Yahweh is putting in me.

I am finding that I have a new relationship with Yahshua, my husband and my kids. Desires of being the Titus women is coming back again. I feel energized and great to say I will. Being a wife and a mother is a gift. A gift to be fully embraced. It is not something to be thrown around, or left for others to do. It's something that Yahweh has allowed me to be, because he knows there will be days that are going to be hard. He knows that he can give me strength to get through each day, because he is loving and faithful to me just as much as I am faithful to him.

A new journey isn't something that can be planned. It is something that we take ourselves into. Each day is a new day to say yes I will. It can be something from as small as go to school as a child, to something as big as being a wife and mother. Not all everyone is blessed with the many blessings as we have been given, but I embrace it all. Each day I look forward to say these are gifts and I promise to treasure, love and care for them as YHWH has for me.

So from one mother to another I say embrace it. Yesterday could have been horrible. There could be paint on the walls, food stuck in hair, or worms in pockets, but one day we will look at this and say those were the good times. I have those days too. Life isn't perfect and neither am I, but Yahweh is and so is his love. His love is what gets me through each day to say Yes I will. Each day is a new day to say Yes today is the day to play a little more with the kids, makes subtle changes to make memories with your children. One day I want to look back and my kids say "My mom was amazing. She taught me everything I know, and she is the kindest, loving women I know." That is what I call wealth and blessed. 

My Calling Remembered

Christian motherhood means dedicating your entire life in service of others. It means standing beside your husband, following him, and investing in the lives of children whom you hope will both survive you and surpass you. It means forgoing present satisfaction for eternal rewards. It means investing in the lives of others who may never fully appreciate your sacrifice or comprehend the depth of your love And it means doing all these things, not because you will receive the praise of man — for you will not — but because God made you to be a woman and a mother, and there is great contentment in that biblical calling."
~Doug Phillips


There are days that I think it would be better if I just hire and nanny, and go get a job. I need to define me and myself. I need to have a plan in place, then I come across something like this. A reminder that a mom and a wife is the highest calling I could have asked for. I not only got blessed with one, but five beautiful children. They are no by no means perfect, but they are my blessings that God saw fit for me and my husband. I am a wife to a military man which is never easy. So today and each day I am going to remind myself that I am wife. I am a mother, and I am walking out one of the highest callings that anyone can ask for. I will thank Yahweh and worship each day for this special honor and privilege. There is nothing greater.

Juanita E

Mom and Dad Why I Love You

Today I was looking through some pictures and I came across one of my mom and dad. They are still married after 30 years. I have to say it is the best picture I have seen of them. My mom and dad are truly my inspiration for my marriage. No matter what they have fought through their marriage to keep it together. They showed that marriage and life isn't always easy but standing in unity with your spouse and prayer can get you through anything. 

My dad taught me and my sisters to stand up for what you believe in. He taught me that I may have to make sacrifices in order to take care of my kids. He taught me to not lie to your kids it sets a bad example and it's wrong. He always showed that he loved me even though he was a little tough on us. It makes me happy and proud to call him my dad. 

My mom always taught me to be a lady. Never settle for anything but the best. She has set an amazing example of a mom. She always took care of me and taught me everything I know about raising my kids. Not all of it we completely agree on but we are both OK with it. I don't have to worry about if she will ever let me down when I truly need her because she has always been there. She has moved across state lines and away from all of my other sisters just to be with me for a few months while my DH was deployed, gone in training or because I was pregnant AGAIN. My mom isn't perfect, but she has shown me that you don't have to be and never will be perfect. I can say my mom is one of my best friends and I love that we can spend a day together just hanging out. 

Back To Gluten Free

For the past couple of months money has been tight and although Yahweh has provided it's still been difficult.

First I would like to give a quick background on our precious 5 year old Ariah. When she was about 3 years old she started to regress backwards. She stopped talking, she did arm flapping, yelled at us but without any words, stopped going to the bathroom when she had been potty trained for 6 plus months, full blown tantrums, anxiety and leg pains at night. I have studied so much into the health field that I can recognize health issues by symptoms. I don't need blood tests or xrays most of the time. So the first thought that came to mind was Autism. I thought but how could this be she is pretty much vaccine free with the exception of the Vitamin K and  Hep B at birth. I kept thinking there is no way that could have done it. Then I started to think about my silver fillings. Wondering if they could have contributed and could have caused it. So instead of trying to find out why or how it happened my focus was to just focus on what to do next.

Now DH was in training in Fort Benning and we were there with him but with him spending week after week in the field and not being able to come home until Saturday morning and then back out Sunday evening I couldn't ask him to help much. I had a new baby and a 18 month old daughter on top of my older 2 kids. So to help my mom came and stayed with us. It was only for about 2 maybe 3 months but it really helped a lot. She was able to tend to the other kids while I was able to work with Ariah one on one. So after doing some tests by seeing if she was just sensitive when aware or truly didn't want to be touched at all we concluded that we needed to remove gluten from her diet for 2 reasons. One was if she was on the Autism spectrum this is one of the first things the doctor is going to tell us to do. 2 if she wasn't on it then we needed to remove it see if she had some kind of sensitivity to it. With in a week after removing it she started to regress. With in a couple of months she was talking again, going the bathroom on her own and the tantrums got less and less. She was signing to me again as well. Now fast forward to a couple of months ago.

I had gotten really sick after Thanksgiving in November. My DH had to take over the cooking in the house and snacks since some days I couldn't even get out of bed. So he did what he could and what was easiest. PB and jelly sandwiches on store bought bread, pasta, lots of spaghetti etc. This resulted in extreme leg pains for my precious baby and major emotional roller coaster for all of the kids. So as of this past week DH said I don't care about easy and convenience any more we are going back to Paleo and being gluten free. I was really happy.

So no more wheat for us in this house. We have also chose to eliminate several grains as well to see how we do without them. So bye bye oatmeal, corn, and rice.

Juanita 

MIA (Missing in Action)

I have not been online much and have recently decided to deactivate my FB account. There were several things that didn't settle well with me and my family. We have made some major family changes and decisions that I am sure our kids feel out of the norm with. I quote my daughter when we told her she would be home schooled starting this week "I just want to be a normal child and go to school".

After sitting her and our other little blessings down to explain to them that we are not the norm and we never will be, but the set apart. Living a life and following Torah isn't easy and is a lot harder than when I was in a Christian congregation. At least in the Christian congregation my kids had some other like minded friends. Being with our faith and beliefs it comes so far and few that it's hard on them and me too, but we have to keep strong and our faith to know it's about pleasing Yahweh.

The past almost 2 months I have realized how much stress I was under with Facebook, and being online. I almost made the choice to delete even this blog, but went over the posts that I didn't feel were uplifting to Yahweh or Yahushua and deleted them. (Don't worry it was only about 4 or 5 posts).

I am excited to say that I can blog and put my thoughts out there even if no one does read them. LOL. I will try to blog at least once a month about our  lives, what we are learning and teaching our kids. Life with our blessings is constant, hard, difficult, emotional but most of all rewarding. I love each day with them and they teach me so much more than I teach them. Watching them care for each other gives me hope that if Yahweh chooses to take me before I am ready I know they will mend together and stand strong. They will encourage each other in any way possible. Their relationships with each other give me hope and pleasure that I am doing what I can to make sure they are growing up the way Yahweh wants them to be raised.


Juanita 

The Need For Greed

I probably shouldn't be writing this but it is something that has really been getting to me the past 2 months. For the past 2 years the only time an "old friend" wants to reconnect is for 4 reasons which are they started an organization, business, ministry or they want to correct my spiritual faith and beliefs. I love reconnecting with friends and have the opportunity to see pictures of their families. We are military and never in one place long enough to say our kids will grow up together. I understand we all have lives and are busy. I too am quite busy. I have 5 kids, military spouse, and home school them all. Plus I make all of our food at home from scratch and do natural health consults. So I get the whole I have a life thing so do I, but it really irks me the wrong way when I haven't even heard from someone unless they think they will gain something like money or my business.

In the past 6 months I have gotten several emails, and message from friends in past churches, and cities we have lived in. One actually asked how me and my husband were doing. At first I thought wow this is so nice Kasey and I haven't talked to them in so long. Then not even 5 minutes into the chat they start telling me about a new ministry and if I would like to bless his ministry...Whoa wait I thought you were genuinely concerned about us. Now you are asking for money from us. I had mentioned that I would let my husband know about the ministry. (He is the head not me). He said yeah and where are you guys at now. I said Missouri and this person began asking when he commissions as an officer. It immediately got me thinking has he not seen any of my posts for the past year and a half, or my pictures. My husband commissioned to be an officer over a year ago.

It saddened me. As I spoke to Kasey later that night and informed him about our chat. He was very displeased. How can someone that you have bent over backwards for do that to you? I am always thinking about being content with what we are given (Hebrews 13:5). Where did this whole selfish thing come into play. I am finding more and more that I am not liking selfish people. Maybe it's because I would give a widowed mom my last bit of food to feed her kids. Maybe it's because I would house a girl that is pregnant or in a domestic violence situation. When did this need for greed come about? Maybe it's because I wasn't raised this way. Maybe it's because we don't instill these things into our kids. We very rarely have cupboards stocked up with food, but I do always have a house full of joyful kids. Not just my own but the neighbors, my nieces and nephews and our friends.

I guess for now I won't understand since I want to be the simple country gal and live off of our own land. So today I say show the people you love them, hug your sons and daughters and instead of sending me or your friends messages about your new ministry, business, or organization bless someone by paying it forward. Buy a bag of groceries for a family.

Juanita

Keeping It Together

I have to admit I am a bit on the mushy side but that is when my blog posts tend to be the best. I have been watching Army Wives for the past 2 days and I have cried on almost every episode. There is something about the Army and that show. There is something that makes those friendships so much more. One of the girls said "We have to keep it together", but it is the hardest thing to even think to do.

As grateful as I am right now that my husband gets to be home most nights with us it's hard to even think about. It's been a few years since our last deployment it's heartbreaking to even think about the next one. I ask myself can I do it again. We have 5 kids now and they are older. I was able to hide it most nights the tears that would roll down my cheeks just thinking of his boots laying on the floor. I ask myself "Can I do it again?". I wonder if I can keep it together like before. I now have to be the role model to several moms, mothers, sisters and wives, but can I do it. I know what I signed up for. I know what my role entails as an officer's wife and honestly I love the military life.

I know just like every Army wife and military wife for that matter knows that at any time we could get that knock at the door. At any moment we could get the call saying our love isn't coming home alive. At any given moment we could have to tell our kids that daddy or mommy will never be back. At any given moment our lives could be completely changed and by choice that is what the crazy thing is. It's just a matter of time before we question how much we can keep it together. I watch the series of these women's lives play out and I can recall me in every position.

It's amazing how strong we can be when being strong is all we have. I try to put myself in that position. What would I say? How would I handle it? What will our lives be like? It's never ending since orders can come up for a deployment at any time. I know our lives come next to the military and I love our lives. Am I crazy for thinking that I wouldn't want any other life? Is it crazy to think that although I miss my husband dearly I wouldn't trade our lives for anything. So despite the many sleepless nights wondering if my husband is safe, or if he will be home to make dinner. Wondering how will I get through another day or even another deployment. The truth is no matter what I will have to keep it together, but not just for me and my kids. I will have to keep it together for my soldier. I will have to keep it together so he can keep it together on his missions, training and deployments. No matter how hard it is we always find peace in our father and know that he is always on our side. We may not feel it but he carries us through every situation to keep it together even when we think that we aren't.

Juanita

The Day You Were Born (Ariah)

Dear Ariah,

My sweet little princess you are finally here. You were almost two weeks late according to the doctors dates. You were perfect just like I imagined. Daddy was deployed in Iraq, but Grandma Bonnie, Michael and Alissa were there to welcome you into this world. I had so many mixed emotions because I was over joyed that our princess was finally here, but saddened that daddy couldn't share the moment with us.

It was a cool winter month. I remember as I was walking up to the hospital I was getting chilled having to stop every few steps because of another contraction. We got in and they admitted me to the hospital. Little by little the pain got worse. Daddy called right before we left to the hospital. He was so excited that you would be here. By 7:30 AM you had arrived. My gorgeous little girl.

My first thought was she has daddy's nose and you still do. No hair and big beautiful birth mark smack dab in the middle of the forehead. You must of being quite crunched inside of mommy's tummy because you came out with the legs crossed and expanded your arms and legs. You seemed to be relieved. They put you in my arms and put daddy on the phone right away. I joked with the nurses that I needed the number they called to get a hold of him because I always had to wait for him to call.

Daddy and I knew from that day on you would always be our little princess. Today you seem to be more of a cowgirl princess but still have the fighting attitude and our love only grows more.

The Day You Were Born (Michael)

Dear Michael,

I have to say I knew you would be different than any kids I would ever have in the future. I never expected your birth to happen the way it did. On the day you were born I had to call in sick to work because I just couldn't get out of bed. I was in too much pain and I could barely feel my legs. I decided to run some errands and it was chilly that day. I got the food to make menudo. I went home and put it to cook. I cleaned the whole house. I even wiped out the counters, kitchen, walls and shampooed the carpets. I must have known you were coming.

I had your cousin AJ, Marissa and Theresa there playing all day. I rested on the couch and about 2pm I started to keep track of the contractions. I had been getting them off and on all day but now they were getting closer. By 6pm your grandma and Pampo were at the house and helping me keep track. Good thing we lived next door to your Auntie Adella so that way she could help me. About 10pm we decided it was baby time and to go to the hospital. They checked me in and put me up in a room. I had all of my sisters and nieces and nephews at the time waiting in the waiting room. Around 2:30am you blessed us with your presence.

The nurses put a pink bracelet on Alissa that said Big Sister. She was so happy and proud to see you and hold you. From that day on our lives changed only for the better. You made me become a better person. You showed me how much life can change with in a split second. For the following years I knew God had a plan and you were perfect in his timing and not my own.

You are my handsome man today, tomorrow and forever.

Love Mama