My Meaning of Marriage

As I look back at the past six and a half years of our lives together it makes me so grateful on what the things that we were able to grasp early on in our lives. We have always had our fights and disputes. It did take some time and we are still working on it. We haven't been together that long but we have understandings, and have made that choice to choose each other for life. (Genesis 2:18)
Although we made the choice we still had problems. It wasn't anything major but little things that built up. We had just moved and we under a lot of stress, we no longer had a church home, I just had our 5th child and my husband was never home with all the training he had to do and prep for. I was upset, angry and sad all at the same time. I felt I didn't want the marriage any more. I knew I was wrong in that sense but I found myself blaming my husband for not giving me enough attention (even though he was working 14-16 hour days. I knew I needed to stay in the scriptures and a friend recommended The Peasant Princess. This was the most in-depth set of sermon services that I have ever heard in my life. Not only did this change my life but it changed my marriage. This is when I had an ah ha moment. I watched the whole series and by the end of the series me and my husband both had a change of heart.
Here is what I got out of it.

• My marriage is not my own.
• I am here to serve my husband.
• It doesn't matter if he serves me it's about what I am called to do for him.

I know this doesn't seem like a lot but hear me out. I used to think marriage was both people working at it, making each other happy and it was 50/50. After the series I had a huge change of heart. I realized it doesn't matter what I want, it matters what my husband wants. If my husband wants to take a nap (he works 12-14 hours a day Monday through Saturday) so be it. If my husband wants to have friends over we will. Before the video it was no I want this to happen and we are doing this. This was NOT biblical in any way. I was telling the person that was supposed to be the head of the house to do it my way. I was quickly reminded of Proverbs 21:19. We tend to get convicted more when we least expect it. Now I would like to say this goes both ways.
My husband and I have an agreement about our marriage. My marriage to him is not mine, just like his marriage to me is not his. I started to track how I felt every time I got upset with my husband. It was from little things to big fights. Every time I was upset it wasn't him it was me. It was me wanting something. It was me needing something. It was me and I was immediately convicted about it. I thought maybe that it wasn't my husband but me. I am the one wanting things done a certain way because it's for me. I never once thought how I could make my husbands day better. I never thought how I could make him happy. This was a year ago almost to the day. Since then I have realized it's not my marriage it our marriage. He doesn't owe me anything. No where in scripture does it say just because I want something he has to do it for me. It says to love and honor each other.
A year later we have grown closer to each other in new ways. I still catch myself saying he did this to me, or he doesn't give me enough attention, but I guard my mouth and change my words and thoughts. I think what can I do to make this marriage better. I ask him is there something you want me to do for you today. I remember just like the disciples and the people who were called by God I am not here for me....I am here for him. How can I face God and tell him well he didn't show me love. I remember God showed me love, and I need to show God's love through me. I can do it to other people and family but my husband should be the one I cater to the most. My husband is the one that I should serve the most, and honor the most (besides God).

Love hearing your thoughts.