Although we made the choice we still had problems. It wasn't anything major but little things that built up. We had just moved and we under a lot of stress, we no longer had a church home, I just had our 5th child and my husband was never home with all the training he had to do and prep for. I was upset, angry and sad all at the same time. I felt I didn't want the marriage any more. I knew I was wrong in that sense but I found myself blaming my husband for not giving me enough attention (even though he was working 14-16 hour days. I knew I needed to stay in the scriptures and a friend recommended The Peasant Princess. This was the most in-depth set of sermon services that I have ever heard in my life. Not only did this change my life but it changed my marriage. This is when I had an ah ha moment. I watched the whole series and by the end of the series me and my husband both had a change of heart.
Here is what I got out of it.
- My marriage is not my own.
- I am here to serve my husband.
- It doesn't matter if he serves me it's about what I am called to do for him.
My husband and I have an agreement about our marriage. My marriage to him is not mine, just like his marriage to me is not his. I started to track how I felt every time I got upset with my husband. It was from little things to big fights. Every time I was upset it wasn't him it was me. It was me wanting something. It was me needing something. It was me and I was immediately convicted about it. I thought maybe that it wasn't my husband but me. I am the one wanting things done a certain way because it's for me. I never once thought how I could make my husbands day better. I never thought how I could make him happy. This was a year ago almost to the day. Since then I have realized it's not my marriage it our marriage. He doesn't owe me anything. No where in scripture does it say just because I want something he has to do it for me. It says to love and honor each other.
A year later we have grown closer to each other in new ways. I still catch myself saying he did this to me, or he doesn't give me enough attention, but I guard my mouth and change my words and thoughts. I think what can I do to make this marriage better. I ask him is there something you want me to do for you today. I remember just like the disciples and the people who were called by God I am not here for me....I am here for him. How can I face God and tell him well he didn't show me love. I remember God showed me love, and I need to show God's love through me. I can do it to other people and family but my husband should be the one I cater to the most. My husband is the one that I should serve the most, and honor the most (besides God).
Love hearing your thoughts.